Friday, February 12, 2010
so far, surviving JC and loving it!hadn't got time to update since i had been very busy the past few weeks. how jolin is able to tackle her studies AND blog is beyond me...anyway, some of the TJ activities include:-orientation- XEYLA, 11!!-mass dance-O-nite!-bedok green clean up-CG (civil group) bonding-PDP auditions and tryouts-tapestry sewing-weaving friendship bandsleading up till today,-road run-CNY carnivala mouthful eh? :) as much as i'd like to recount EVERY SINGLE EXCITING AND SUCKY DETAIL and MOMENT spent in school, i possibly can't. too much.so yeah. if you wanna hear stories, ring me up :Dyes, girls, there are plenty of good looking guys in TJ. mostly contributed by the senoirs, JC2. for JC 1 batch...er, not so, haha!
Stuffs I painted @ 5:36 PM
Saturday, January 30, 2010
1st day at school, TJC:i studied the travel route carefully and came up with 5 to 6 different ways to get to TJ. i picked #3, which was probably the fastest- taking the train to Bedok station and boarding bus 38 from the interchange.i was, surprisingly, on time. (heck, i'm always late. "Never early" should be my middle name.) anyway, i met up with waileng before we entered the auditorium and the whole JC1 batch was divided into 4 groups, Xaedon, Xeia, Xeyla and X.don: ORIENTATION X.i'm in Xeyla! by some mere coincidence, bing lun is in the same orientation group (OG11) as me.the OGLs are mad. really :) they cheered through the entire first half of the morning and me, and the girl beside me, Amarylline, got sort of exasperated. they did it continuously- even the emcees looked frazzled.we had ice breakers (consisting of sitting around a circle and doing introductions). we also played "blow wind blow" and whacko. and lengthy talks and subject briefings. gary told me to expect that, still i got restless.break: i tried the canteen food. it's not bad :D jap pork and egg bowl with honeydew-apple fresh fruit juice.zhanhao brought us out of school premises and i realised there were 5 convenient coffee shops directly opposite the school. minimarts, bubble tea shops too. cool eh? a whole variety to feast on!attended chemistry and biology lectures. H2 biology= molecular. genetics. DNA. no more human internal systems. and all the complicated terms came out; words i can't even bring myself to pronounce and spell correctly. the verdict? maybe it won't be wise to take A level bio after all.went for an art gallery tour too.2nd day of school, TJ:sat through PDP video presentation. i'm not sure which group i'd like to join. performing arts or sports?should i take taekwondo?floorball?drama?dance?choir?argghhh. spoilt for choice.anyway, i missed mass dance practice and took the art aptitude test instead.section 1: draw your hand or the paper crane in front of you. it's not as easy as it looks. an artist has to take into consideration the angle, perception, colour and value. 1 hour.break.section 2: pick one artwork among the two mentioned and comment on the use of materials and what the artist is trying to convey.i selected this giant black hinged frame decorated with rubik's cube, stuff toys and soft play mat. and started crapping away paragraphs. i think i kept repeating myself, just that i wrote the sentences in different expressions! LOL.section 3: use one piece of paper or a bunch of straws and create your own craft. scissors only provided. nothing else.i freaked for the first 10 minutes. i fiddled with the paper while the rest of the art geniuses were snipping away.by the half hour, my lap was full of paper cutouts.see, when one does art, one is fully immersed with it, so much so, time flies. i looked up and spied the other's work. wendy did a pop up house setting. complete with fence and bushes. mary ann was twirling strips of paper roses. a china girl was weaving strips.me? adjusting my masquerade mask, haha! it's tough because everyone else is experienced, more creative and competitive than meit felt like a scene on Project runway! (i love that show by the way.)
we also had to discuss about our artwork. i rambled on about italian carnevales and the teacher looked impressed.the teacher requested me and amaryllis to redraw the first section. my tone range was too limited with more shades of similar grey. so i drew the paper crane under a lamp and added the shadow.somehow, we got stuck in the art studio with jiaying and david.ok, get this, david's like the exact twin of joseph. he absolutely digs video game music. final fantasy. musicales. he can slur out some german or french garbage. haha. he's so dramatic, far worse than me, and i was laughing so hard, i couldn't draw properly!!! :Din the end, i GOT IN!!! finally fulfilled my dream of working in an art studio instead of my usual science labs :)
Stuffs I painted @ 9:16 PM
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
MONDAY:had lunch with my mom at Jack's place (they have an awesome student's meal by the way!).i realise my mom and i are more bonded because i spend more time with her during the holidays. this is because while my siblings are schooling and my dad's at work, we watch movies together, window shop, and work out in the gym.sometimes we talk about the future or other things- canada, JC, boys, hairstyles, cars, boys, money, savings, clothes, boys, university, church, classmates, boys, losing weight, dieting, exercising, boys. yeah. woman-girl stuff.i also dropped by Melville park condo (xinyun stays there) to check the place out for this wednesday's BBQ class gathering. i'm keeping my fingers crossed for the event to run smoothly and successfully.me and xy chatted about the games we made, the booking of pits, swimming, sports facilities. she also mentioned that her first choice of school is nanyang JC. mine's TJ. apparently, her dad "forced" her to go to the school. he even hand-picked her subjects and CCA!i think parents should let their child, when they are old enough, to make their own decisions to pave their own way for their future. parents should advice and caution, not impose! :/for instance, while my parents pointed out for me to pursue something sciency and mathematical- engineering or medical, i'd like to be able to express my creativity, be it ideas, words, images, sound. i am strong in being analytical, but what makes me tick is really space for my own creation. because i'm not hard bent on fact and figures.till then, i'll see where the wind takes me. (man, it's hard for me, an idealist, to be practical!)psst, watched korean drama for 3 hours straight. i was struggling to keep my eyes open past midnight! :DTUESDAY:nothing much. just strumming my guitar, checking my emails, facebooking...awaiting my posting results. tomorrow. at 8 am.i hope i go to a JC where most of my friends are going too...i'm gonna make my next four months of JC totally outrageous, crazy and fun. just you watch. won't be hard anyway, since i have a knack for attracting trouble :)
Stuffs I painted @ 12:56 PM
Sunday, January 24, 2010
as camille would have put it, rather nicely, i might add "[i] am tired of blogging."yeah. me too. nothing exciting happens in my life anyway. if i were to recount everything, my readers won't be readers anymore but sleepers. or skippers. moving on to next blog!but for some reason, i am gifted with words and looks and i adore writing. so let me tweak my daily activities, to a hilarious story, shall we? :)=======================================================================FRIDAY:at night, i decided to try out the New Orleans food recipe, Fish Creole (i am not sure how it is spelt)seabass chunks with tomato sauce, celery, and green pepper. my dad taught me to scale a fish. so i was gripping this huge slimey grey reeking body, sightless fish eyes staring into mine.ew. and to think my mom loves to bite the fish's eye off when its fried. no kidding.anyway, i'm not a squeamish girl (except to cockroaches. i scream and can make your eardrums pop) so i did the dirty fish business and cooked the vegetables in a wok.the result? i think it tasted fab. *bows down to imaginary standing ovation*SATURDAY:after guitar class, i desperately needed to get my hands on some killer-acne products.I HAVE A CLASS GATHERING ON WEDNESDAY AND I HAVE 4 BLOODY BIG PIMPLES TO GET RID OFF!!a mammoth task. it calls for something big. like magic.but it doesn't exist. so the next best thing would be nexcare acne clear stickers and OXY cream.i was walking right towards the escalator going down when i bumped onto...him.
no, not the tall dark and handsome guy in the bus. another one of my ex-crushes. he'a fair and robust. and god, did he work out??!!
he had his phone glued to his ear, chatting animatedly, and faltered when i nearly crashed onto him. we stood there, looking at each other. i had a cool greeting ready, at the tip of my tongue, but the words just died there and then.
many people claim that, before one dies, they see their life flash right before your eyes. well, you don't actually have to be dying to see the past whizz in front of you. i was staring into his eyes, and all the painful memories conjured up. and all i thought was "i'm sorry. i'm so sorry."
=====================================================================
he took my hand. "pauline, i really really like you." his stroked the sensitive flesh between my fingers. "you make me feel great; i'm so happy- no girl has ever done that." he continued to stare ahead, pouring out his soul. his honesty stung.
shit. what have i done? i didn't do anything. or maybe i did. that's why. i was so very good at this game right?
i squirmed. "maybe you're not thinking...you know, i-"
he looked at me curiously. "sorry, this would hurt," i thought.
"we can't be together because i'm not good for you."
he frowned. "maybe you're the best for me."
hell, not working!! i tried another excuse.
"no, i feel we don't suit. we don't share the same interests and-"
"must two people be truly the same to be together?" he shot back.
of course not. but i don't want to be with you. not anymore. together? what was that supposed to mean? to be bonded to you? that will kill my spirit. no, i can't lay all my happiness solely in a boy. where does that road lead? anguish. pain. heartbreaks. disappointment.
"we're not compatible. and do you know? i break hearts. all the time," i gave a bitter laugh. because it was true. all true. but the real reason behind it- i didn't say.
"i will break you, hurt you, and bring you pain. you should stay away from me," i resisted to add, "stubborn ass"- an endearment of some sorts.
then reality spun back in place.
i could see the hurt in his eyes. the anguish. he was guarded. wary. he opened his mouth to say something but i didn't permit him to. i fled down the escalator and wound around the levels, trying to ditch him. coward. my sister struggled to keep up with me.
"i saw-"
"yes, it's him," i replied grimly. dang, of all times...
SUNDAY:
i went for my guitar class. not again, but it was accoustic this time. (saturday was classical). we learnt to play "Love will keep us alive" by Eagles. my dad's a fan, by the way.
since we would be migating, my mother took it upon herself to clear all the old books and photo albums in the dining cabinets. i threw away old magazines and chinese guidebooks (gleefully). my mother and i flipped through pictures, mostly yellow with age and let ourselves be transported back in time.
there was me in jeans, cuddling my 3 year old brother. my sister in her purple ballerina tutu. my dad and mom, newly weds, sprawled on the forest floor. it was autumn in America, and the leaves were a lovely shade of golden and orange.
my cousin with his big belly, too-tight bermudas and goggles. we went swimming at a resort in Cebu.
me wearing an adorable denim jumper, prancing with my kindergarten teacher.
my dad, youthful, with his guitar.
my mom, in her teens, clutching her pet dog.
my sister's 11th birthday.
.
.
.
.
time does fly. i'm nearly an adult now (ok, not yet) and soon enough i'll follow in my parents footsteps (no, i don't wish to be an engineer actually)
would i also be flipping photographs with my future son or daughter, reminiscing? maybe i'll tell stories. "i had a crush on that boy." or, "see look, Auntie Camille and her frizzy mane." haha!
Stuffs I painted @ 5:08 PM
Thursday, January 21, 2010
boring week.but today, grace invited me over to her house for lunch. we also watched the korean movie, 2oo pounds beauty.it taught me that everyone desires something, and beauty is one of those "somethings". cliche as it sounds, who you are, what your inner being is, is far more important than the outer being. like superficial VS. the literal.and it sort of um, egged me to eat more healthily. i mean, indulge on goodies and become huge? never! i would not forgive myself. and exercise regularly too. to keep in shape.we played the board game "are you smarter than a fifth grader?". apparently, they both of us aren't. i gave an incorrect answer for the 1 million question!! bye bye million :(the questionaires aren't easy, i tell you. it's hard! some of it is beyond our context. like American Social Studies, History and Poetry.she taught me to play a piano piece and did a magic trick!! she tore a piece of paper into shreds, handed me one strip, place the other strips into a black box, whirled and twisted it around, and when she opened, the shreds of paper "rejoined" to form back one whole piece of paper, excluding the very piece i'm holding!i pieced my shred to the paper and it fit! i was exclaiming how she did it! :D she showed me the illusion in the end, haha.we also played with barbie and ken dolls.what? i still like barbie :)
Stuffs I painted @ 9:29 PM
Saturday, January 16, 2010
there goes any normal day for me. a normal saturday.usually, in the morning, my sis and i would go to guitar class.and then to tampines regional library to return our books.the predictable, uneventful weekday.the routine broke today, however, because it seems fate has some twisted sense of humor.=====================================================================i wasn't feeling very good- emotionally drained, so i sat by myself instead of the usual bus seat beside my sister.then he came in. he boarded the bus.after 5 years, of appearing and then disappearing from my life, he still managed to create a damned big impact on me.tall, dark (ok, tanned. somewhat) and handsome (literally!) like the past, only he looks better now, in the present. he wasn't buff, but the lanky-sexy sort of way. he wore casual- bermudas and a tee. but what caught my eye was his tousled black locks hidden in his cap; some of it escaped and dipped down his neck.and if it's not enough to make a girl, like me, weak in the knees, he has smoky eyes that talk.lynette told me she has a friend who really appreciates girls who can talk with their eyes. i thought it sounded stupid, but now, i totally don't blame him- lynette's friend, i mean. it's an awesome way to flirt. from mind reeling to hot-shot, hands down. electrifying.he walked down the aisle, radiating sensual aura *holds in drool* trying to find a seat. his eyes grazed on me. zeroed in. assessing. scorching hot. my body temperature spiked to 10 degrees celsius. recognition flashed...he raised his eyebrows. the corners of his mouth tilted up to a slight smile.the very same cocky grin. (that like, won many girls over)oh hell oh hell oh hell. i must be dreaming. that's it. i fell asleep on the bus again.with that thought fixed in mind, i blinked, hard, but he was still there. standing...then he sat down a few seats in front of me.i didn't realise there was so much pent up tension until i uncurled my toes and tried to steady my rapidly beating heart. i thought i was going to die.the bus seemed smaller. i knew he looked at me because i could feel it. the pressing, stifling heat.it was a curious glance. he even turned around to do so. shit. i couldn't breathe. and yes, i felt faint. (i am disgusted, actually. i mean, so whoozy??!! dang.)so i did the very thing any loser would do- look away, pretending not to notice. my mind was screaming "LOOK BACK AND SHOOT HIM A WINNING SMILE THAT'LL KNOCK HIM OFF HIS FEET!!"i can't. i felt weak and vulnerable. funny, i sorta liked it.i hummed to myself, more consolation. i looked blankly at the greenery that was blurred with the bus rumbling past.eventually, i got impatient at myself for not even responding, a teeny bit, so i looked at his back. this time, he was looking out the window; he had turned away. feeling slightly relaxed, i let my guard down but he whirled around slightly, so i was in his field of vision again. i felt so shy.after 5 years, would he still recognise me? would he remember...camp? when he nearly held me? infuriated me for the fun of it, then diffuse my theatrics with his husky voice and alluring eyes?F!$#^!$&%@* where did all these crazy thoughts come from??!!!sometimes, i am convinced my mother raised fools.it was a game. a game that made my hairs stand. i sidled over to my sister."he's here."she looked amused because i looked uncomfortable. i felt uncomfortable. he was still so good-looking, it wasn't fair.not that i'm ugly, but i wasn't very pretty back then, and probably was some insignificant girl in his life- like many others.so this scene's very much like a splash of cold water on the face. refreshing, shocking, and energetic. i think i was practically glowing. god, to see him again in the flesh...a little too late, actually. while i was buzzing on the inside, i alighted at my stop without a backward glance (yes, he was still staring at me, smiling his stupid, butterfly-in-the-stomach smile) and said a silent goodbye to my past.just sharing a story. after all, my happy endings never reached my hands, only ended up in the trash can.i whipped up lunch for my family, engrossed in cooking. forgetting everything, everything that happened years ago.
Stuffs I painted @ 7:57 PM
Thursday, January 14, 2010
"i think he likes you.""yeah, i think he does...""so are you gonna-""no. pursue? do something? no, not anymore.""what? why?"*bitter laugh* "have you noticed that every relationship i have tried to have ends horribly? i don't...i don't want to be disappointed again and again.""that's because you havent-" found the right one yet? how many times have i already heard that?"wait till i see the flaws. something will go wrong. the true colours would show and...i don't want the pain and misery. i plan to distance myself away from him." what makes you think he'll be happy with me? i'll hurt him like what i did to the others. i can't help but like and hurt him all the same. staying away? coward. maybe i am."whatever happened to happy endings?""i've stopped believing in them."and i think, there's some truth ringing on my words.if joe can be a cynic, so can i.
Stuffs I painted @ 9:30 PM
sleepless nights fretting for O level results; another sleepless nights fretting over what school and what course or stream to go to.i slept at 2am and woke at 8, totally drained.on wednesday, me and lynette went to MJ open house. comparing it with TJ, i'd say MJ has better school facilities and a nicer setting. also quite accessible to my house!me and lynette could not walk a few metres without interruption- apparently there were many temasekians and anglicans around, we were waving and saying hi so much :)we checked out the CCA and hot guys and went for air rifle trials. i still suck at it because no matter how i try, the bullet shot doesn't even hit the grey area near the bulls eye -.-we got bored so we left early and played billiards. i taught lynette the basics. (she kept freaking out when the ball jumps and i told her to relax)gotta practice and sharpen my skills to go pro!today:i went to suntec city to collect my swatch watch worth 99 bucks as a prize for the winning letter to 17 magazine. it's pretty, silver links with pink flowers. i love it!also registered for JAE-#1: TJ arts#2: VJ arts#3: MJ arts#4: TJ sci#5: MJ sci#6: VJ sci#7: St Andrews JC arts#8: SAJC sci#9: NP mass comm#10: NP tourism#11: TP psycology#12: TP interior designhopefully i'll get the first choice and get admitted to temasek junior college!
Stuffs I painted @ 8:56 PM
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
the night of 10 jan 2010, i couldn't sleep.the anger fested inside me like poison. my heart pumped so fast, so wildly, the poison spread through my body as the blood rushed through my veins.toxic, of course. yet, i could not diffuse the boiling hot rage.i want to jump at his throat. scream, claw.i always thought i was intelligent- a true judgement of character. well, now's to say, i can never trust my mind anymore. or my heart.damn. it hurt. the brutal truth was like a person mocking, then delivering a cold hard slap across my face.i curled into a ball in bed and whispered comforting words to myself, hushing when my sister beside me stirred.=====================================================================i thought i handled it pretty well. after all, i plugged in to my playlist, blasted happy dance songs and pumping rock music to chase away my skittishness.WRONG. when i stepped back into school, it felt as though my music fell silent, and this time fear was loud. really loud.O level results. omg omg omg.my sister told me beforehand that our batch did well! (free holiday for everyone!) and the staff went on and on about the overall performance for each class per subject...my god. if i could die with suspense, it would have been then.they also flashed the top students on the screen. those scoring 9 A1s, no surprise coming from the China scholars.8 A1s. the names flashed and blurred.7 A1s. i ducked my head (people were blocking) and squinted. i caught kh's name. victor's...and a bunch of other people i couldn't care less...not now...where-?6 A1s.5 A1s. nothing. no pauline hannah.terror, not fear anymore, washed over me like one gigantic wave. i wish i could drown. "oh my god, i did horribly."peishan was clawing her bag. grace was whining.i was the first person in class to receive the results slip. mdm adamal moved slowly- first passing the yearbook, the JAE booklet and CCA certificate.miss lim flipped open a pink folded slip and passed it to me.AAAAAAABlike that. my eyes could be a train; it was moving so quickly and smoothly down the paper.i stared back at miss lim. at the desk. and the paper again.BLOODY HELL.i gave a short, loud scream and nearly fell backwards.omg omg omg. i can't believe it. i looked even more carefully now. delirious- in a state of a dream.i was gushing. i am so damned happy!peishan wenya and khoon hwa came to me. "how was it?" "how'd you do?"i couldn't hear them clearly, so i shove the paper in a daze and started clutching their arms.ARRHHH!!!! WOW!!!! YAYEEE!!!! OMIGOSH!!! AHHHHH!!!!!yeah, i was like that.soon everyone got their results and the majority were basking in bliss. mr yong help me rip off the envelope, some Form A thingy, because my brain couldn't work. something got caught in my gears.i am so happy for everyone. happiness is contagious. ps did well (she was dancing and chanting) wenya (calling home), mai (crying like mad), sherry (shrieking)....as a thank you and farewell gift, i passed folded paper hearts, jelly and chocolates to all my subject teachers.me, pincheng, grace, zhan hao, adele and aishah went bubble tea to celebrate our victory! :Dfunny, that's probably the last time i'm ever gonna see the nice friendly bubble tea shop auntie again...next month, i'm off for a new life.ps/ me and kh had a bet. loser would have to treat the winner. in the end, it was a draw! can you believe it?pps/michelle darling, everything will turn out right in the end. if it's not alright, then it's not the end!ppps/i love talking to lynette and wenya on the phone. heehee.
Stuffs I painted @ 5:10 PM
for the past few days...well i was quite busy.+ tuck weng's farewell outingwe went bowling and played pool!see FB photos.+ ngee ann poly open housejoe badgered me into taking part in "don't forget the lyrics" contest. i walked away snickering.i am in awe in the FMS (film media studies) courses.oh, tried archery too!loads of freebies, i tell you. DONUTS. COFFEE. CORN IN A CUP. HOTDOGS. got my hands on food. more importantly, it's free.+ singapore polyone look at the environment and well, aishah and grace pestered me to leave right away. it's so...foresty. and plus, we were roaming around so much, our feet hurt.+nanyang polythey have kick-ass awesome campus. it's really huge and one can mistake it as a shopping centre.their work areas look professional. you know, long, glistening hallways. slash-and-scan-card double swing doors.me and aishah toured around the health sciences school, played booth games and ate candy.(psst. they have a waffles shop. peanut butter waffles, whoooooo!!)+ temasek JC open houseok, i WAS supposed to go there. but dammit i got the timing wrong and headed out at 3pm. thank goodness i called wenya and she told me it closed at 2pm-.- i am a complete dork sometimes.so!+ temasek poly openhouse insteadi thought i'd better go off on my own, but thankfully, aishah and adele were there to keep me company.i saw khoon hwa and other temasekians too.i had so much fun dodging texting crap towe went through a course counselling (business + IT) with a lecturer and it really opened my mind as to how important and useful a hybrid course is. in this case, infusing IT skills with business management. the best of both worlds.so i realised if i want to pursue media, i gotta hone my IT and business skills...arh, economics? maybe i'll consider you now.====================================================================for the past few nights, chatted with thet and khoon hwa on msn. which is unusual, because i rarely go online.they make me laugh so.sometimes, they point out the truth about-well, the truth, or say something really funny about-i laugh till i get stitches. or then there's tears in my eyes.made me realise i'm not such a fool after all.
Stuffs I painted @ 3:39 PM