Friday, January 16, 2009
"why are you frowning?"what to say? mummy, i'm just bloody pissed off at a guy right now. you are right. better to be single. and oh yeah did i mention that i might consider to go to a poly, instead of a junior college?actually, not really. i'm keeping my JC options open. and i'm sure the last sentence might finish her off.she'd get a heart attack. compared to the guy news, the poly one is much much worse.but of course, i didn't say that."had chinese remedial.""and so?""uh, couldn't think what to write for my essay."which is partially true.and i think, Fridays sure hate me a lot. ====================================================================================bad luck:- got scolded by miss soh. we were late for SS class.- our project work can't be opened because of the different powerpoint formats. shit. must re-do???- i think i'm gonna fail my chinese test, even though i toiled through the paper, and put my mind into it, so much so, my brain was frying... sizzling, more like.- chinese remedialdammit to the 7th level of hell. i always don't know what to write for the essays.after that, got frustrated-wait, oh haha T.T under-statement of the year. not frustrated, i'm SO sorry. i meant, seething with white-hot rage.i just asked a small question. because i needed help. desperately. you know, my chinese stinks like smelly gym socks."go find it in the dictionary! you think i'm there to help you?"what KIND of response was that anyway? what is it now? LET'S-BE-MEAN day today?and when i am already being VERY KINDLY ASSISTED (not sarcastic, by the way) by a kind soul, YOU wanna pitch in.you even told her she's teaching me wrongly!i totally trust her!....."he isn't worth your tears.""puh-leeze. i'm not gonna cry."and later, after vowing not to, tears slid down the corners of my eyes.i'm not sad. it was all angry tears. i looked up and thought, why does these crappy things happen to me anyway??i'm not evil. i don't deserve bad things to happen to me most of the time. i study hard, i don't smoke, i don't take drugs.but despite all this, i sometimes get the worst luck ever. then i cried for the times i've been selfish, greedy, irresponsible, ignorant.alright. so probably i deserve it.AND, more bad luck...- the bus i rode had a noisy engine.it was whirring like mad. and i was trying to listen to my music! BOO!! i turned the volume up, but i couldn't hear much.turns out, later when i alighted, i saw a metal wire dangling from the edge, scraping against the gravel road when the bus drove away.so that was what's making the awful, loud noise. curse you evil metal wire! ruin my music!
went home and my mom hogged the com. she somehow caused it to lag. another bad luck.=========================================================================================so, pauline is a strong person. she won't let some stupid things ruin her day (actually, it already did.)so i've come up with things to do when you're mad.1. listen to rock songs. especially hard-rock. then you can scream out the words.and make sure your feelings match certain lyrics. it feels more good that way.mine today was: (sing along in an anguish tone)so what?I'm still a rock star!I got my rock moves!And I don't need you,And guess what?!I'm having more fun,And now that were done,I'm gonna show you tonight,I'm alright!I'm just fine!And you're a tool!So, so what?.......You weren't there,You never were,You want it all,But that's not fair!....you let me faaaalllll......it felt good. like sipping intoxicating wine.please don't listen to sappy love songs. you'd cry and your tear glands might over-work.i dunno. can you suffer from tear-gland infection or something? better not risk it.2. READ.a novel. not necessarily romance, but it was the first thing i reached for.Nicholas Sparks's A Walk to Remember.it's a great book. i'm not done with it yet, though.it's about this boy, Landon Carter, who, had no date for the prom, so he decided to ask his church preacher's daughter, Jamie, out.he's a rebel, while she's a goody two shoes.he doesn't really like her. but somehow they ended up working together in a Christmas play and soon, he falls in love with her.it's really romantic. let me pick a nice part...ok, here's an excerpt:"Do you think i'm strange too?" she asked me....I [Landon] put my finger beneath her chin, lifting her head up and making her look at me again. (pause. if a guy did this to me, i'd melt in a puddle *smiles wistfully*) "you're a wonderful person, jamie. you're beautiful, you're kind, you're gentle. you're everything that i'd like to be. if people don't like you, or they think you're strange, then that's their problem...i love you, jamie. you're the best thing that ever happened to me."i was crying. my shoulders started to shake and i sobbed.i know, this is fantasy, it won't really happen, but when i read these kind of stuff, out there, there's always hope for the better. it teaches me not to be afraid to dream. and to want things. and to go get it.but the sad thing was, jamie was dying. she's sick. she couldn't tell landon, but in the end, she did. and the guy cried. he couldn't sleep all night; couldn't focus in class. it's so depressing.then, landon sat down -and the phrase that shook me to my soul: 'I prayed for a miracle.'then i sobbed harder. i didn't want her to die. it's so cruel, to let jamie enter his life and then let death/sickness take her away from him. just when he fell in love at 17.i wonder how many people out there are clinging onto their lives, while their loved ones can't do anything but pray. for a miracle. throwing all your energy into God's hands.a 50/50 chance.human emotions make us, but they also break us.
==========================================================================================ok ok. i gotta do my work now. researching on ASEAN.sigh.
Stuffs I painted @ 6:50 PM
